Do you ask yourself, why does my past still affect me? Shouldn’t I be over my past by now? Will I ever truly heal from my painful childhood?
The words: ‘Get over your past’ comes with a charged judgment and definitely a cloud of shame. Our childhood experiences significantly impact us- for the good, neutral, and negative. It is completely understandable that you want to be “over it”. Healing is layered and not linear. I find this a beautiful process, albeit frustrating. The complexities of the psyche take time to reveal & heal, as deep as one wants to go. Think of it like a discovery and excavation process.
Your experiences are totally unique to you & so is your healing path. You have personal feelings, thoughts, and body memories that deserve your attention and time needed to unfurl. Self-judgment and criticism do not make the process go faster….it slows down the healing and adds pressure; it makes those limiting, negative beliefs stick a bit harder. Think of these thoughts/beliefs like super glue- each time you repeat these thoughts to yourself is another layer of glue to the heart.
Shame is a killer…
Of Spirit, of vitality, of truth, of connection. Statements like: “I can’t believe I’m still hanging on to this”; “It happened so long ago, when will I ever be over it”; “I’m so incompetent” – they hurt. They keep one stuck in a negative, looping pattern of untruths. Self-judgment does not motivate one to heal, change or open up heart connections. Repeat: Self-judgment does not work, y’all. Stop being that coach who whistles, yells, and points his finger at your to “motivate” you to work harder.
Often, these thoughts have been around so long that they become identity and it seems impossible to make space for any other beliefs. However, these thoughts are inaccurate and simply not helpful.
OOOF, it’s a toughy; I know. Enter self-compassion. Healing is a slow process….for all. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t find relief, make significant changes and actualize real self-growth…it’s just that through acceptance, we honor where we are at and do not judge it. Through mindfulness practices, we can accept wherever we are in the journey and catch those pesky, sneaky negative thoughts we tell ourselves. We accept that perhaps there are areas of our past we are not yet ready to face. Honor it. There is no specific timeline. Feel empowered by this! Note all the small changes that have occurred. They all count.
Mindfulness helps us to make those unconscious & automatic thoughts conscious. This is where the power begins. Catch the thought “I should be over this by now” (or fill in the blank with your specific frequent flying thought) and replace with a kinder, more truthful statement, such as “I am learning to lovingly support myself wherever I am on my healing path; I am learning to not judge myself or compare myself to others. I am learning to be patient with myself and receive the support I need”.